8) Now, after awl uv thooz Peepoul had Spooken hwut wuz on their Miindz, wun uv thu Wiivz uv King Solumun, kawld, Ubethunee, sed: “Wee hav u litoul Sister, and shee haz flat Brests: soo hwut shal wee dq foor ower Sister dering thu Daa hwen shee shoud bee Spooken foor? Neether iz her Faas soo Buutifoul az yoorz, oo Dawterz uv Jurqsulem: soo how wil shee Utrakt enee Man, seeing that uu hav set yoor Miindz on LOUKS, oonlee, oo Sunz uv Jurqsulem? If shee wer u Wawl, wee woud Bild u Pritee Palis uv Silver on her; but, shee iz not u Wawl.
Now, u Frend uv Manuub, naamd Hagumon, loukt at hiz Beeluvd Ubithunu, and sed: “How Buutifoul rr yoor Feet with Shqz, oo Ubithunu, oo Prinsuz Dawter! — thu Joints uv yoor Legz rr liik Jqlree, thu Werk uv thu Handz uv u Kuning Werkman with thu Daanteeust uv Tqlz and thu Fiinust Goold tq Werk with. Yoor Naavoul iz liik u rownd Goblet, hwich duz not wont Liker noor Wiin; but, it iz kwiit Hapee with thu Fresh Jqs uv Apoulz and Ooranjuz. Yoor Belee iz liik u Heep uv Hweet, waating tq giv Berth tq u Baabee set ubowt with Lileez and Roozuz.
And it kaam tq pas that Abigrr Surok did Eet and Dringk until shee wuz Fild, and then shee Slept and Uwook tq riit theez Werdz:
8) Now, King Solumun Reespondz with hiz Werdz uv Luv, saaing: “Kum with mee frum Lebunon, mii Spows, kum with mee frum Lebunon, and Louk frum thu Top uv Omaanu, frum thu Top uv Sheenir, frum thu Top uv Mownt Hermun, frum thu Liiun’z Den, frum thu Mowntunz uv thu Leperdz and Wiild Beests. Uu hav Ravisht mii Hrrt, mii Sister, mii Spows; uu hav Ravisht mii Hrrt with just wun uv yoor Iiz, with wun Chaan uv yoor Nek. How Feir and Buutifoul iz yoor Luv, mii Sister, mii Spows! how much Beter iz yoor Luv than fiin Wiin!
Abigrr iz now in Jurqsulem, Medutaating on hwut shee Dreemd and hwut shee did afterwerd, in Jurqsulem. Shee sez: “Bii niit, evree Niit, ii sot him hqm mii Sool Luvz — ii sot him; but, ii fownd him not. Ii wil uriiz now and goo ubowt thu Sitee, in thu Brod Waaz ii wil seek him hqm mii Sool Luvz — ii sot him; but, ii fownd him not.
KEY TO PRONUNCIATION:
Ded Fliiz kawz thee Ointmint uv thee Upothukaree — thu Drugust, Medusinman, Snaak Oil Heeler, Wichdokter, Frrmusist, Drugpousher, Dokter Snaak, Lawyer, Preecher, and Polutishun — tq send foorth u Stingking Ooder: beekawz Fliiz Liv on Filthee Mater that STINGKS, such az Ded Krrkusuz, Dung, and Eevoul Gosip. Liikwiiz, u litoul Folee, u litoul Fqlishnus, u litoul Priid and Vanitee wil Deestroi thu Repuutaashun uv him hq iz noon foor hiz Wizdum and Oner.
Theez rr sum uv thu Werdz uv Prinses MIREEYOM, hwich shee Spook tq her Muther, Kween Izubelu, on beehaf uv awl uv her Buutifoul Sisterz and Dawterz. †
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Now, as you can See, this Version of Revelation contains some very Controversial Subjects, which many Professing “Christians” will Naturally not Agree with: beCause they have not Studied my many other Inspired Books and Booklets, which Explain such Mysteries as Reincarnation, without which there would be no Resurrection of the Dead: beCause it Requires the Act of a Spirit Re-entering into a Body, in Order for that Body to Rise from the Dead: beCause the Life of the Body is the Spirit, which is an Invisible Substance that God Created in the Beginning, when he Create